7 Months... today marks 7 months since I have been in NYC, since I was at my old job. YUP! I was terminated as soon as I was placed on Long Term Disability and it was devastating. Why? Cause somewhere I dedicated myself to for eight years was like "see ya!", and the realization that my disabilities were bigger than the dreams I had for myself in my career, in that very moment.
So many changes in such a short period of time. I keep trying to adapt to being home ALL THE TIME, to learning new things about my body, my health, while in a Global Pandemic where everyone all of a sudden became an expert in well, everything! Then watched the prejudices of our country we ALL knew were bubbling under the surface implode in 8 minutes and 46 seconds. Continuing to "Say Her Name", to murder hornets (for a brief second), to 44 million Americans unemployed, and through all of this, and so much more that I didn't list, I have been living on Couch Island. My bubble in my home.
It has been extremely tough. I am missing out on so many things I WANT to do, but I have been advised by doctors it just isn't safe for me to do.
One Art Space has opened the "She Is...2020" Exhibit, and I would love to see it in person, but unfortunately, I can't take that risk, even though they are being incredible and following CDC and NYS guidelines. If you are interested in going, check out this link
My nieces turned 4th birthday celebration was last weekend and I missed that, and it is because I didn't feel comfortable with the amount of people going to be there, and my doctors said I couldn't, since I didn't know where they were prior to the party and whom they may have come into contact with.
I know this is suppose to be an art blog, but see that is the problem, all of the current events, and my lack of interaction with people is effecting my ability to create. It is effecting my mental state.
All the disability paperwork, the paperwork to transfer insurance policies, to keep insurance to see my doctors, constantly on the phone with nurses or doctors to make sure the private disability company has all the paperwork they are suppose to have, is taking up all my energy.
I sit in my studio, start something, and there it stays, partially completed.
The depression and stress of 2020 is overwhelming that even my art is being effected. My outlet for PTSD and my depression is being effected. That is how screwed up this year is.
I am hoping that writing this blog post, and getting this out of my head and out somewhere will help with my creative process and allow me to get my ass upstairs to make something. Just to MAKE SOMETHING. I don't really care what it is at this point, cause right now I just NEED it. It isn't a WANT, it is a NEED.
Thanks for reading my babbling. Just remember, all of us have good days and bad days. I know my bad days will pass and I have a loving husband and 3 adorable dogs, so I'm not going anywhere.
But if you are struggling, please reach out for help. Being here is so much better than not being here, trust me.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish.